“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” - Henry James; Novelist
Kindness matters. I think we all know it, but in times like these where sometimes getting to the end of the week feels like a massive achievement, it isn’t always top of our priority list. Did you know though, that Kindness and Compassion can actually change your brain for the better?
As it’s World Kindness Day I’ve put together some info on the science, and a few reasons why it really should be pretty high up on your to-do list:
1. Where your attention goes, your energy flows.
And this isn’t just a platitude rolled out by your yoga teacher when they want you to concentrate… it has a firm grounding in neuroscience. Practicing a new skill literally changes the shape of your brain. Every thought we have and every new thing we learn forges neural pathways in the brain. And the more we practice something, the stronger and clearer those pathways become. In my Mindfulness workshops I always liken this to mowing the grass with a blunt lawnmower (yes, I know it’s a bit random!) – the first push just kinda flattens the grass down, creating an uneven, still not quite accessible, but vaguely recognizable path. The second push starts to cut some of the grass, making it a little clearer. Each subsequent push clears a little bit more, and a little bit more, until eventually there is a clear walkway in which you can move up and down with ease.
2. You can expand your capacity for kindness by practicing kindness.
Isn’t that amazing? Like with any new skill; the more you practice the better at it you get. The brain is basically a big muscle and whenever you flex that muscle, it gets stronger and easier.
“It’s kind of like weight training. Using this systematic approach, we found that people can actually build up their compassion ‘muscle’ and respond to others’ suffering with care and a desire to help.” - Helen Weng
And we’re not just forging this path as a one-way thing; the clearer the way, the more you can dance up and down it. And this means…
3. Practicing kindness towards others makes it easier to be kind to yourself.
Compassion and kindness are omnidirectional, meaning that whenever you practice these skills towards others, you are gently oiling the cogs that are needed to turn for you to show self-compassion. Also, many studies show that kindness releases the “feel-good” hormone Serotonin (which is the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of satisfaction, happiness and well-being). So you give a little love and it all comes back to you (da da da dada da da! The Bugsy Malone movie was a childhood favourite; the lyrics to “You Give A Little Love” by Paul Williams are surprisingly beautiful and sensitive for a movie that largely centres around throwing cream pies. Anyway, I digress…)
4. Practicing self-compassion & kindness can lead to greater emotional resilience.
Emotional resilience refers to your ability to adapt to stressful situations. More resilient people are able to "roll with the punches" and adapt to adversity with ease; less resilient people have a much harder time coping with change. It’s all to do with the way we respond to stress and the hormones our body releases when we’re experiencing difficulty (hello Cortisol!). I bet a large percentage of us can relate to this HARD at the moment where on any given day we may have to endure huge changes to our lifestyle, routine, income and support systems. According to a 2020 study conducted in America on the subject of emotional resilience in the workplace, 81% of workers reported low resilience. It’s truly a very difficult time we’re living in right now and finding time for a kindness practice may seem frivolous, but this same study shows that if you can take the time out of your day it can improve your overall ability to respond to stressful experiences with a level of calmness and clarity, and surely that’s worth a try?
5. Kindness helps you build connections with other people.
One of the most important elements of kindness and compassion is the recognition of our shared humanity, and when we recognise this we can acknowledge that our feelings are universal. Sadly, most people don’t focus on what they have in common with others, rather than framing our difficulties in light of the shared human experience, we’re more likely to feel isolated and disconnected from the world (thanks to the brains negativity bias – yes, that’s a real thing). However, when we practice kindness and compassion we take the bigger human picture into account and this can help us to foster feelings of inclusivity and understanding.
“A human being is part of the whole, called by us ‘universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” – Albert Einstein
If this blog has encouraged you to have a go at a more formal kindness practice, please find a link to a free recording of Tara Brach leading a Loving-Kindness practice below (let us know how you get on?) But hopefully - at the very least - it’s simply given you all the reasons you need to just be extra kind to someone today.
More about Tara Brach here: https://www.tarabrach.com
Emma-Jane Bunn
Wellness Rooms Practice Manager | Mindfulness & Compassion Teacher | Yoga Teacher
References
1. Workplace Resilience Study. Dr. Mary Hayes Dr. Frances Chumney Marcus Buckingham. ADP Research Institute. https://www.adpri.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/03154021/R0120_0920_v1_RS_ResearchReport_090220.pdf
2. Researchers at the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds at the Waisman Center of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. https://naturalsociety.com/random-acts-kindness-can-change-brains-chemistry/#ixzz6c9qk7fJd
3. Quote taken from Dear Professor Einstein: Albert Einstein’s Letters to and from Children, Alice Calaprice (Ed.), Princeton University Press, 2002.